Although it feels as though you are walking around in a fog after the death of a loved one, there is also a new clarity about life. You now view your life through a new lens that allows you to “see” things you were once unable to “see”.
As a grief support facilitator, I witnessed that although it was a death and the associated grief that brought an individual to the grief group, it was often other issues that challenged the bereaved.
When a loved one dies it is as if someone pulls a rug out from under you and uncovers or reveals all the “stuff” you have ignored, denied, and pushed… well “under the rug.”
The “stuff” uncovered can be positive and welcoming…musical or artistic or athletic talents, newly found independence, reconciliation and reunion with estranged family or friends, etc.
However, sometimes devastating truths are discovered…sexual abuse, addictions, financial crisis, etc.
Grief is powerful. It has the effect of revealing truths that you have not been aware of prior to the death of a loved one. A young man, who was grieving the death of his father, shared that through the grief process he discovered he had been sexually abused as a young boy by his neighbor. Another young man, grieving the death of his mother, shared that during his grief work he realized that he was gay. One family, grieving the death of their mother, realized after her death that their house was in foreclosure. A man grieving the death of his wife shared how he had been alienated for years from his wife’s family. After her death, the families were reconciled and reunited.
These are just a few examples of how a death can uncover those issues, good and/or bad, that you have consciously or unconsciously ignored, denied, and pushed under the rug.